He was 2 years old … dark blue, limp as a rag doll in my arms. I rushed as quickly and safely as I dared to the 2nd floor Intensive Care Unit. He was still “breathing” at 40 times a minute with shallow gasps… I wondered how long he was for this world.
Why I was alone with him running up the stairs and through the halls I cannot remember but it had been on one of my winter ER shifts in a small Northern Chicago Hospital that he had been suddenly thrust at me by a frantic parent coming in from the freezing cold. I was sure he would not last the night.
As I gently lay him down on the ICU bed a team of nurses and MDs took over and I returned below to the choas of the ER.
The next morning I decided to walk upstairs to find out if he had made it through the night. As I entered the Pediatric Ward several children were running around the central station being chased by a hellion on a trike as the nurses tried to maintain some semblence of order…total chaos ensued…
I walked to the ICU and entered, very quiet compared to “OUT THERE”…
” So what happened to the little boy I brought up last night”, afraid at the answer to come…
“See the kid on the trike out there? That’s him!”
“What????!!! That’s a Miracle!!!”
From the hardened nurse ” Well, we call it Penicillin…”
20 years later buried in the String Section of a University Orchestra as I faithfully brought to fruition the notes from a score of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony I suddenly felt an overwhelming awe at the music surrounding me. The hair stood up on my neck, my arms and my legs, and tears welled up in my eyes at the beauty which enveloped me. I was in the prescence of SOMETHING, was part of SOMETHING significant, and in that instant I knew without a doubt there was a greater existence beyond mere Humaness…that for lack of a better way of saying it…that there was a GOD.
20 more years passed by and I found myself sleeping on a desert floor far from any real civilazation. What was I thinking …riding a bicycle across Death Valley to this “godforsacken” southern tip of Arizona. As I gazed at the starstudded black sky above I wondered how long until the morning sun.
Gradualy a slight orange tinge showed itself on the eastern horizon barely outling cacti 5 times taller than I was… on my tippy toes…
And then I noticed it…colors gently lapping at the heels of the stars, whisps of salmon colored clouds and finally a glorious dawn…one like I had never experienced before…something beyond belief or comprehension.
A wise Ancient Greek once said that you can never step into the same river twice…an even wiser one wondered whether the Past or Future even exist…isn’t the NOW the only part of life that is real?
The Miracle of Life is that we are here in the NOW.
Descartes was famous for writing: ” I think, therefore I am”…go deep into this thought and you find yourself only in the NOW. You could never say ” I thought, therefore I am” or ” I will think, therefore I am”…neither of these statements make sense…
We live NOW…not yesterday …not tomorrow…
These thoughts of mine did not just spring into existence…they have accumulated over many years…often nudged along by the gentle hand of a Guardian Angel. God knows we could all use a guiding hand…
When I was 13 and bored stiff one summer many years ago, my friends and I found ourselves laying around in the grass “doing nothing” Suddenly one of us found a four leaf clover, and then another, and another. All summer long we trained our skills to the point of being able to find them at will.
Only many years later did I realize that one does not find a 4 leaf clover, rather it finds you… keep yours eyes open and immerse yourself in the Now… 3,3,3,3 suddenly becomes 4… you are Here and Now in a wash of beautiful green patterns all acroos the floor…
This is a valuable lesson to learn since I know now that Miracles are the same…One does not look for them, one cannot find them, one cannot ask for them, and one cannot expect them at any given time… instead live in the HERE and NOW and they will come to find you.
For me there is no better way to live in the NOW than to ride my bicycle again across this wonderful country of ours, even across the same Northern Tier of 3 years ago…Same river? Different river? Ask the Ancient Greeks…
I do know that I cannot ride safely without being immersed in the NOW . There is no way to get across 4400 miles of mountains, farm land, prarie and more mountains again except by living in the moment.
Life in these times is so clean, crisp, clear, and pure…the essences of NOW. How lucky could one be?
More importantly I know that if I pay attention to that gentle tap on my shoulder from One hovering above, not only will I be kept safe but I will be sure to be gifted with Miracles galore.
Hang around and I will share them with you…
3 thoughts on “Miracles and Guardian Angels”
Nick this touched my very essence, oh ..so very beautiful. I remember hearing two violin pieces that created a similar feeling ,that something bigger in me and around me. It is incredible . I was evaluating a new teacher at school and her sixth graders sang ,
A River is Wide , I was so moved I started to cry and couldn’t stop. Joyous , enjoy your trip! Jan
Beautiful..soulful… at a loss for words.